La La Dance

"Time won’t stop, so we keep moving on." – One Ok Rock

I saw La La Land and it was an overwhelming experience for me. The very first scene, where more than fifty dancers performed a jazz number took me by surprise. And the movie in its entirety had me flooded with emotions, I didn't know how to deal with my feelings in the cinema.

There was also one particular moment in the movie that made my heart ache, and no it was not about the characters’ relationship. I'm talking about when they were arguing about their dreams. I just felt a pang of sadness because I was reminded of how much I terribly missed dancing.

For the past five years I’ve been focusing so much of my time in my career, only writing and traveling a bit on the side to keep me sane. I forgot that it was actually dancing that I first do whenever I feel stuck, uninspired or down. I kept convincing myself that I’m done with dancing and that I’ve already moved on now that it’s been years since I stopped performing on stage.

I never really considered dancing to become my bread and butter. But maybe, deep down inside, I never really wanted to leave dancing so that I can be happy.

I’m not saying that I’m going quit my job to “do what I love”. I do enjoy my line of work and I’d like to believe I’m doing pretty well these past few years. It’s just that somehow, for the past 12 months I feel empty. I’ve also missed on writing for months now because I’ve been too preoccupied or too lazy to actually do the things that I love doing. This here is a reminder for me to move and do something about this emptiness before the day comes when I can no longer stand up to dance. I don't want to regret how I lived my life. 

La La Land was amazing. And I hope anyone who has a passion or a dream will see it and feel as inspired. It was a work of art; just like how dancing can touch the soul, the movie stirred my empty vessel. 

Now I need to stop telling the world what I want to do and actually start looking for places where I can dance.  My vacations only happen a few times in a year, I’ve got to do something for my aching soul.